I’ve been fortunate these past few years to come across a few life changing books. I don’t want to exaggerate and say that these books drastically altered my life right after I read them, but rather gave me the knowledge to make gradual changes that make a huge difference after a while.
In this post, I’m going to talk about 3 books that have really benefitted me in one way or another. For each book, I’ll provide a summary of the main points and then share some ways it helped me grow as a person.
Here are the books, in no specific order:
Atomic Habits by James Clear
Summary
I read this book many years ago, but it still has an impact on me today. If you’re not familiar with it, Atomic Habits is a book about how to build habits (link). It emphasizes that significant and lasting change is a result of small, consistent actions, or as the author refers to them, atomic habits.
In the book, the author helps you understand how to set yourself up for success by creating systems that make it easy to build habits and routines.
Here are his 4 pillars of developing good habits and breaking bad ones:
1. Make it obvious – create an environment that makes it easy to do what you want
2. Make it attractive – pair habits with things you enjoy
3.Make it easy – reduce obstacles and break habits into small, manageable steps
4.Make it satisfying – reinforce positive behavior with immediate rewards
To break bad habits, invert these laws: make them invisible, unattractive, difficult, and unsatisfying
There’s a lot more great information in the book, and I highly recommend it for anyone looking to be more disciplined with building habits. I’ve personally used these tips in my own life to incorporate healthy habits into my life, and it really has been life-changing.
Some of you might know from my previous posts that I struggle with depression, and something that helps me keep it at bay is going for a walk in the morning before starting my day.
But this can be hard to do sometimes, especially on days my mental health takes a dive. After reading Atomic Habits, I learned habit stacking, which is a way to add a new habit onto an existing one. In practice, it looked like this for me: each morning, I would tell myself: After I eat breakfast, I’m going for a walk.
It’s simple and surprisingly effective! This technique makes it easier for you to add a new behavior to your day because it uses existing routines as a foundation.
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg
The second book on my list is an awesome one that my friend recommended to me. It’s about nonviolent communication, a communication framework that focuses on expressing your feelings and needs.
Summary of the framework:
1. Observation–state facts without judgment
2. Feelings–express your emotions honestly
3. Needs–Identify the underlying needs behind your feelings
4. Requests–Make clear, doable requests (not demands) to meet your needs
And here’s an example of how you can apply it to a real-life situation. Let’s pretend your partner has forgotten to take out the garbage (again), and you ended up having to do it.
Real-life Example
Observation (facts, no judgment):
Instead of:
“You always forget to take out the garbage!”
You would say:
“I noticed you didn’t take out the garbage today.”
Express your feelings:
“I feel frustrated that I had to take out the trash after coming home from work.”
State your needs:
“I need your support with the chores because I want how we split the chores to be equal.”
Request (specific, doable action):
“Would you be willing to commit to taking out the trash each week?”
On the surface, it looks simple, but is actually really hard to master. I try to practice this in my relationship when I can, and it does work wonders when you get it right.
The most important thing I’ve learned from the book is not how to navigate a tough conversation though. It’s how to read between the lines and understand my partner’s needs through what they’re saying.
It’s helped me not take things personally. Last week, when my partner told me that “I never clean the bathroom”, I heard “It would be nice to have more support with the bigger cleaning tasks”.
If you’re looking to improve the way you communicate, especially in relationships, I highly recommend this book for you. It really is life-changing!
Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hanh
I came across this last book while I was working with my therapist. Out of all the life changing books, this one was probably the most powerful in terms of how it shaped my worldview. Written by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk and mindfulness teacher, the book discusses how to unpack and heal from childhood trauma by getting in touch with your inner child.
I remember reading this on my Kindle at night and feeling shaken to my core. If you’re up for doing some deep and heavy work with yourself, then I highly recommend this book. It’s not a light read at all, and you should be prepared to address potentially triggering memories.
Main ideas:
- A lot of the ways we suffer as adults are tied back to our inner child being wounded in the past. If we understand this, then we can practice more compassion when we witness other people acting out towards us.
- Healing starts with being kind to your inner child. We can say things like, “I’m here for you now. I will take care of you.”
- Pain is not isolated-the pain our parents inflicted on us as kids was a result of the pain they suffered, a result of their parents suffering.
- There are practical things you can do to start healing: writing letters to your inner child or to someone that hurt you and mindfulness practices
The book obviously dives deeper into these ideas, and if any of these speak to you, consider reading the book.
Personal story
I’ve personally been able to start, but not fully, forgive my parents for the traumas I’ve endured as a kid and adult, due to reading this book. It’s also helped me become more compassionate towards other people, especially those who seem to mistreat you for no reason.
For example, during my last job, I had some coworkers who would never acknowledge me no matter what. They acted distant and cold for no reason. I was initially upset by their behavior, but then remembered what I learned from the book.
I thought, “They must have suffered a lot to become the way they are now.” From this, I could actually feel compassion for them. Surprisingly, I ended up feeling bad for them more than anything. And I know that the way people treat or judge you is more of a reflection of who they are, rather than who you are.
This was a proud revelation for me. And I owe a lot of it to this book. If any of this resonates with you and you want to start your own journey of healing, this book is a great place to start.
Conclusion
Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed the post! Let me know if you end up reading any of these life changing books! And remember that traveling the route less taken isn’t always easy, but you won’t regret having done it.
